Sunday, August 3, 2008

The wisdom that comes with grey hairs


Behold the glory of an old man who still has some 'sparky dignity' left.

What is it about older people that they are 'lauded' with adjectives we seldom (if ever) attach to the young? 'Respectable', 'dignified', 'proper', 'distinguished'?

These adjectives are meant to convey some sense of honour, but what they often (though not always) convey is captured in the word 'stuffy'.

Why is it that we expect old people to behave a certain way, and don't quite know what to do if they insist on expressing themselves differently? Behaviours that are quite usual for the young are regarded as extreme, odd, out-of-place for the old.

How might we celebrate better the fact that the old are still living, and not simply warmed-up dead? How might we encourage them to continue to enjoy life to the full even though the weariness of age and the grief of losses press in on them?

Perhaps some of it is in gently, graciously, allowing them space to live in. Daring to invite them to join us in our adventures. Involving them without thinking, "They're too 'proper / old / respectable' for this."

How do we honour the old? Not by urging them and labelling them towards stuffiness. Part of the wisdom that comes with grey hairs may have something to do with recognising that each day is a gift that comes this way but once.

I met with a client recently, probably a lady in her early 70s, with hair that was dyed. No, not the usual blue rinse; instead, bright blue, green, pink, yellow. In stripes! Wild! Totally out of control!

While there is life, there is time to let your hair down. It is a dignity the rest of us must allow those who are growing old. And yes, there is a time for mourning too.

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